I Wanted my First Post to be Profound, and This is Very Not That.

When I made this silly little website, I didn’t think anyone would care.

That’s because for someone who claims to be a writer I don’t see myself as being particularly eloquent or great with words, and if I’m being honest, even remotely talented. I’m just a girl who never really learned to be good at talking, so I got in the habit of writing things down and sometimes people read them.

When I posted about this silly little website on Facebook I was surprised how many people did care. I knew I had the support of close friends and family, and I was expecting something like 10 Likes and maybe a “Haha” react. 100 people reacted to it. First of all, did I even know 100 people?! And second of all, WHY?

Perhaps partly due to the response that I really didn’t expect, I felt like I had to deliver. I wanted my first post, my first piece of writing on a website where I put “Writer” next to my own damn name, to be profound. I had already called myself a writer in front of at least 100 people, and if I didn’t do something worthy of being classified as good writing then well, I would simply be a fraud who had just exposed herself to the entire internet.

I had been worried. I wanted to be a writer after years of dreaming about becoming one, and I want to land serious writing jobs. If mediocre or god forbid, terrible writing is what potential employers and readers are going to see on here then my entire career would fizzle out before it even had a chance to start (Also I’d already paid for this website for an entire year so I need some sort ROI or validation lol).

Before I even launched this website, I had been working on something that I could eventually post once I had the platform set up. I had multiple drafts that I went back to and edited and rewrote, but none of them seemed right. None of them were good. I had begun to think that nothing I write would be appropriate to post, and I was afraid that the longer I left it, the more difficult it would eventually be.

So instead of perfecting one of my existing drafts, I’m writing this on the built-in blog post editor, sitting at a Starbucks that I’m not leaving until I hammer this out.

I’m drawing from the memory of a young me scribbling in my diary in pen, when proofreading and editing wasn’t a thing and hitting backspace wasn’t an option. That’s how I had written for most of my life, before I knew how to overthink or fuss over grammar, and if being careful with picking and choosing my words wasn’t working for me, maybe I ought to revert to the basics.

I’m just a girl who never really learned to to be good at talking, so somewhere along the way, writing became my way of speaking- and this is what my voice sounds like. Unedited, unplanned.

It’s nice to meet you :)